PRINCIPLE 2 – Give honest and sincere appreciation
John Dewey, one of America’s most profound philosophers, phrased it a bit differently. Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.”
Remember that phrase: “the desire to be important.” It is significant.
THE BIG SECRET OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE
There is only one way to get anybody to do anything. Yes, just one-way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.
I reckon the idea of honest and sincere appreciation and the same is key to a healthy work
environment everywhere. As a manager, I have seen appreciation being so infectious that it impacts entire work culture.
Andrew Carnegie used to pay a million dollars a year to Charles Schwab? Why? Because Schwab was a genius? No. Charles Schwab says that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people. I asked him how he did it.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. I never criticize any- one. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise. ”
I could not agree more with the story below….highlighting the solid power of being away from criticism and embracing appreciation.
A member of one of Dale’s classes told of a request made by his wife. She and a group of
other women in her church were involved in a self-improvement program. She asked her
husband to help her by listing six things he believed she could do to help her become a
better wife. He reported to the class: “I was surprised by such a request. Frankly, it would
have been easy for me to list six things I would like to change about her – my heavens,
she could have listed a thousand things she would like to change about me – but I didn’t. I
said to her, ‘Let me think about it and give you an answer in the morning.’
“The next morning I got up very early and called the florist and had them send six red
roses to my wife with a note saying: ‘I can’t think of six things I would like to change
about you. I love you the way you are.’
“The following Sunday at church, after she had reported the results of her assignment,
several women with whom she had been studying came up to me and said, ‘That was the
most considerate thing I have ever heard.’ It was then I realized the power of
You might have a great point that there is a very fine line between flattery and appreciation. I’ve tried that stuff around me. It doesn’t work – not with intelligent people.”
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the
other insincere. One comes from the heart out, the other from the teeth out. One is
unselfish, the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
General Obregon’s philosophy: “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
AND YES, the book is not suggesting flattery! Far from it. Rather the book is talking about a new way of life. Let me repeat. The book is talking about a new way of life.
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation, somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval. The next time you enjoy food at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared.
Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way, in that, I learn of him.”
If that was true of Emerson, isn’t it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and
me? Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the
other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be
“hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your
words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime – repeat them years after you
have forgotten them.
PRINCIPLE 1 – Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
PRINCIPLE 3 – Arouse in the other person an eager want.